“gone (‘o-o-o’)”
There was a break in the skin
brittle and filling
sanding underneath my coat of gum
bleeding along the mouth
bleeding from the brush
Dam up the spill, the spoilage
spreading through objects moreso than air
overhead the water speaks
over all the radiator
hum of the furnace
whispers of spine in my cold
bsug t nburngin hthe bguid
said that night was a burning fluid
I wanted to leave for the burning of
one in my lung
one longs to speak of
the night, that and much of the day
in merciful oblivion
lonely Homie
given the chair
of fake leather
you ask why if he wanted to die
he didn’t make himself
that’s why I say that was not
his language he gave and was giving to death
his body slowly
the grave was made and only the date
was left blank
is still
are we kin if I want to die don’t I
blind behind the drawn
sense somewhere out there a sun
light, distracted from origin
I catch only this bare handful
the blind one caught my hand
there is a thrift in the kind sun’s sag
in this double, this repetition
this repeat performance, what is the end
was man’s night ever flying, ever flung?
I held his hand I hold it again
I hold it still his still face upturned
drawn and creased and thin those eyes
won’t see anyone here he’s elsewhere now
a breath, long and shallow
a breath
and silence
almost impossibly long
hand already stiff and cold
more and only by the moment bone and skin
I held his hand for him to feel my life
to know my life beside him and to feel his death
I told him
mom and dad were coming
and that he would be with his girls
soon
o-o-o-o
the arms which climb
hands
all the visible
almost
I asked for your mouth
I did not wait
which one of you was there?
the older, silent one on the steps
intruder or parallel
The remainder is a portrait
a soundtrack, sporadic
a window, and waiting
the length is entirely arbitrary
in the filmed version there is only wallpaper
a cutout, a framed wall
and circular stars
and sheafs of wheat
on a field of pale
but stout blue
sparkling or flat water
in the dark of darker cold
the couch which has dropped its guts
took the cover off the other older horse hair
bags and bags of turd and straw and puff
this other
I think
what is missing
from me
what you found you lost
immediately
immediadiateate eatenor
enortroutg
gdgfhgfdhhdhghswjiashhtiuuidbhjbxAhjah
lalalakindkindkidiitnidstgidnndnifgdstdsnjsmmosaoii
didtnt idwant tyou yot to fuck i=[ up I didn’t wan t to listen
to you I didn’t want to open my heart
to you I coulntd I never have openede
anything everythings locked and too early in this to do I say
there is echo
is that reverb
o-o-o-o
There is a curtain in front of adulthood
pull up the plastic
the waxed paper off the wax slab
the writing vanishes and, as I have already
maybe I have a wrong impression
are you not impressed?
perhaps I did not press down enough upon
the pen it is not the ink which fades
but the weight of the stylus in concert with the hand
and through the hand and tendon and tissue the solidity
of the body (It is still obtainable as such in England
where however it is also known as “Printator.”)
people dream I see
they bleed out to me
years worth of damaged spit
incipit
BOOM
you fill with smoke
the house
who’s smoking?
Garlic bread
half
the old man and the toaster
like a saw instead
a tape arrived
at times the world would be there
light of a neighbor’s light
I should stop looking back I should set more fire
I can think of nothing more beautiful than to say
I almost made it
that I would be with
all the beautiful failures
all the romantic suicides
who have dashed life away
auto da fe
feigned accomplishment
THROW THAT FUCKIN BED OUT IN THE STREET oh
that bed will feel good tonight
but here I think the time has come for breaking-off
the broken body must be disposed of
and the one next
door I leave drawn
I enter it in
after a second sleep
s a y r d h h u h u d n n i i l l o o e r o o o o e r i i i u w e f f f j u w e f e r j k b f j r b h e f h y t t t a r r s h h h a t t t g b a t t r a h h n a j j s h y s j j s j j s j k j s j j s j j s h s d u g y b n n u c u i u u h h y y d g g g s h j j s j j s n n i y s w t t f f s b b s n n s j i d s g h d g h s d h d h h s d h d h s j k k s a d h s a u s o u d n n g syyaksiur djdjrool orolrloroll porut then spoollm ik cfantmn wrote ii s s e s e e s ew s ee s e e s e e e e e e e e e ee e
um rmgiggggjy um,rmee ms ekemmememe
IIIIIIII throw it all away I am empty
anyway and not so radically emoty
I am a pose I don’t know I don’t see
anymore anything more than this could ever be
what honor have I left
to do only lightly
do I dishonor
like a milkshake
for a poor diner
after a meatball sub
and fries
like a milker with a broken hand
I laughed and cried
at once at the sight
of your pine box
only you and her
high school picture
inside
o-o-o-o
At one time death was met with food
warmly, and with gifts
now there is no end to death
there is only a small tribe that celebrates
this impulse to subservience
EPISODE
everybody’s made of dough
EPISODE
I ask you to marry me
I cede to you the frayed edges
of my wages, and the rest, my rest
the black shit on the skin of my first
when all my baby is born
beautiful gems of whiskey
rimmed with crust and touched
only upon one corner excessively
by heat
the bread takes on the markings of contact
with heat, in the toaster another skin forms
whiskey takes on the cast of the cask
we acquire a shield in this manner –
the outermost surface ceases to be living matter
depressions constitute the “writing”
through the medium of the covering-sheet
think of her always covered
in still a way has my life not changed
and out ow throw or remove it
our atrophied limb
which lost the will to move
where did we divorce?
I wonder who will certify my thoughts
the potentate? the unemployed in a chokehold
so too is employment and so too for me
you are my repository
and more, my appetite
my wide-eyed monkey hanging from a curtainrod
he is gauzy and he is my hesitation
the curtainrod, the only branch is empty and doubly scarred
As I Lay Dying, brittle pages of
my copy of
which has been marked by a previous self
who is a stranger to me now the weight of this
without my being able to understand
his thoughts or see through his or their eyes
see copy there are any
number of
child without a head
or body
beingone begone
by begging one gone
only a body gone on lying
the mirror shows no self you can make it not
an insistent delight in this lack of sight
at the slightest angle
anglasadwiuchsand said back out outtta the giriiirirgrill
hguthdadgdgifllwoooellerflowrlwoowloewerlowleroorllwooer
reveel another reel of the flocik flick
“go to the fwont!”
yo
yo
there’s yogurt, granola
coffee in the freezer
help yourself to anything
when you leave for the day
or eve
just lock the bottom lock
it isn’t ever locked there
are eyes everywhere
Open the door there are more
there are no more could we open
the door couldn’t the door open there are
because there are no more the door had been sealed
hoping the gods of the god of gods
had the door
you notice first that you can see all the way through
you see the blue of the far kitchen wall
and the backs of the row of the easy loungers
backs broken
mouth gape
pocked cherry
stuffed woodbird
without a binding
agent
urge inherent to return
urgent inheritance
‘Baby (o-o-o)’
M\a gramma aba aby
reaching deep in bile
burst lump of organ
fe fed, forced fe
fortified by excess
fattening child
by same
this is the mirror you piss into
or to the side of
if you catch sight
This one’s for you big baby
you can’t U CANT C ME
o-o-o-o
you play mister mister on the radio
I am not trying to go backward I am pulled there
I drift and the way ahead always was muddy
brackish and mixed I could scent the sea
a channel somewhere out there that would play me
it’s a long spool you play out
insects join you daddy longlegs
pod and arches inchworm crawling
little titthirsty baby little unformed but hairy baby
without any hide or any way to hide
or anyway to wait you are whats inside
you should brush your teeth
or tooth
my last little pal
last of my own among the gum
eat it eat it don’t eatitbeatit nastynsatyfuckinlittlemonkey
dotnnifijfm fjfoi dfslkcicxztyncijnjcdhysdysadmsad ghiti tiighhtiigh you siplfuckketrre
thefe fucjke cffuckegecjfuckkerellckufukf,
d h j s d g u f u f c k k c u f k f u c k f u j c k f u k f u u f , k c u k f u c i k l k f u i u k f k f u i k c j u f k k f u f i k c k f u f k k f u f f k j f u f j f j f u f j f g j f u j f m d f d d g g s d d s s d i j o i u y i u o i d dodiuy osyy ypoiuskj sotothe void foodgashdsui u ahberry t oti ate to cut it or
outouom outcome I hate to cut it ou8t right
emptiness
emptiness
empty nest
anima ani
mal
anamalouse
Aimo, you jackass
what failings could he have imagined in you?
they were all immediately preemptively forgotten any way
they were expected and loved
there were no failings for us
there is little candy on the hill
Homie in the blackberry
bucket on his belt
oooif I fi fi fit kn it oo if I find it
gin ive been dir and seive been hur
tan I don’t care because im burning tpo hy
I am prepared for silence
but for the overwhelming silence
I forgot I was going to give it tonight
for you
would you like me to rearrange
when we aren’t young anymore
I can almost touch
the soft fur of the mountaintop
for a moment I smell vomit on myself
the taste appears and disappears, sunk in the wad of awful
taste the taste of the hurt of another on your tongue
how can you kiss one who is heartbroken
by the body of the other on the bed
of another
she was right and I was dead
was meat and out of my mind
or never in my mind had a
deed not a grant
or you coud not for any moment
look up the flumes
that’s not for now
here now
you want me into nothing
I want to punch myself into you
all at a loss for disgrace
you have a loss all set for you
who wouldn’t want is mine
I have no more items of statuary
I no more gained than gave any
there was a time I could have had something
had I taken it
I think
that time repeats for me
all the times I repeated it
I could write this for the rest of time
why slice it here?
you would ask why
once again I must mortify the flesh
I thro w==w
w w w wit asinis a dsmdm sdsdsad
I throw it agai a-n ai cant control I want to leave you cant type
it all fast enough thew music isn’t loud enough want to go
louder and maybe feel the pain a feeling may arise
yes underline line the red wrong words Word
the wanted woatstrife fuckhm hrikj it ai cant writ ie againm
dangit dogonit I daren’t use any more language
the one who makes the books
gives me a look like fuck
you don’t have the right
you ought to know yourself
by now
ought you pay what you owe
I owe you all and I don’t feel a thing
I escape caped clapped around in
all this crap which clogs life
o-o-o-o
on the offchance you escape
a route arises after all
one can root anywhere and here
willow will o will has left me to anything but
roots stick until severed and then again
I admit to my own impasse
amsit am track
want destruction of self, of other, of everything
which is of the self
the fourth track will break your heart I know
this is the second this is the
rise in volume rise in pitch
to the fadeout defy it
I want to a loud sound
a million entreating retreats of sound
remastered, denatured, remonstrated
your heart broke min-=broke the minimum
the small mother the second I have to amdit
my own culpability
could I find your heart and face my own
I don’t know how or why I did with it
I am did it in morning am
bma for now I can hope I’m drawing near
I give to you to that which holds me here waiting
as I lost you I lost
losslslsolspolsolsolsolso0lsolksoslosososloslsolsoslsolsoslsoslsost o lolotoootootootootootootootootootot tlootlktotltototop
ddnifn dhhhsbig disdjjfgjdmdaflkjkjewqokkkmremfkjwfkmfrkfjkrfm3rfnmnfnrf
did you happen to be a hole and I get into you?
Ive dug myself and new hole
olejeffmickrumnjonjokerwninjonjokrejkeff deennthis is to say that ive
all maters kissdicksadjsfdjdfjjdfightfghgfhfgdhfdnmsdm df fmfi fewer
in the sewer the repartition repair twining binding back together
we two are thus (each of us) like half a shell
the shell is not seen a real beard
finally whose hands has been on you
turn toward me and back not seen
felt a distant shell finally you turn
play out the string
run out the spool and the string
gather in the st
ring of the s
pool
I don’t float and so
can’t swim no one I am can’t swim
even the pen runs out its mine why wouldn’t it?
you are a poet you are a liar
and not novel
you posepoessiksiksikkissksksksksksksksjkdidndidsikdogkmaqgduy na dot
frollyurtndbxcuisachuds kdshsajksajksanmsadhjdsshjsdsdjkkjnds
falsx, lSAMXKJEWNCU
I was as well and that was why I did not stay with you
clearly you are better than me
anyone to whom you may be
everyone has been so nice
enough to like me
a little but I can’t live on that
I can’t keep it in me enough
to live
theammmm the women say
I am a nice man I am a good man you will call to tell me
after I leave you saw me off
after so much cutting I
find myself a bit more open
a bit rearranged, a bit less mass
entrails again in a maze half-
trapped half-completed
with a toothless kiss
we hid half in the bath
soap foaming atop
I left you and the water left
there is a deathly tightness and a swelling around my heart
seems filled with tears that haven’t made it to my eyes
I can’t seem to cry I can’t even appear to
be just tremble but nothing ever comes I wonder if
fear can be muted
like ants on the wasp
body
meat on a flower
and on a stone
in a vampyric revelry which takes
place, in which space I stake
no claim to another heart
only more beatings
behgsughghtjmwmenbgf.,d