sometimes I feel
like a young woman
my lover nowhere
I feel the influence
of death in this
canyon
..
the feel of someone—
else’s human skin
..
I am making a history
of which there is no proof
save this letter to you
..
these women look starved
& the men refuse to
speak to me
..
I am afraid I am
strange here
..
my least & greatest
fear is to not be
remembered
..
these clothes for weeks
..
today I encountered a girl-
child in a wedding gown
on horseback stunning
in her rags & unbrushed hair
her eyes would not cry
..
and what of lawlessness
..
today I ate
some local flora
and am very ill
..
this view is my
solitary prize
..
in thought alone
I walk daily
..
today I heard
no birdsong
..
in this sultry weather
the horseflies
are nearly driving my mare
insane
..
this afternoon I watched
two sparrows fight or breed
for hours
..
in the night our guide’s
mount was struck down
by lightning I have never seen
any thing like it
..
a swarm of hornets devoured
all our fruit while we slept
..
the pinks blow hugely
..
the flies here are enormous
and sport about my face
till I am nearly mad
..
two of our party have
lately died of fever
..
a great hawk passed over
our camp three times today
alone
..
horse mushrooms
abound they can-
not be eaten
..
I spent the night shivering
in worry of the fever
..
was relayed a most astonishing story
of a shipmate thrown into the sea
shark-infested near Ceylon
where he was rescued some
two days later having clung to
a yard-arm stark naked
..
lovely weather, red even
..
since arriving here
I have become fond
of shooting
..
I came upon an enormous skeleton
in the river today
..
walked nearly fifteen miles for fear
the path was too rocky for the horses’
unshod feet
..
I haven’t spoken to a person
in twelve days
..
I imagined I would see
the face of god
in this land I have
seen nothing
..
several bones
along the trail
as though they had been
placed there purposely